If Candace Never Said...

(Candace and I being goofy at school shortly after I had converted)

We had a preacher yesterday night who was phenomenal. He preached on the topic of evangelizing and although my pastor has been talking about evangelism and all, it never struck me as hard as it did with this preacher. When I first started Blue Bomber, I was timid and shy (although that does not describe my personality). I didn't want to be a bother or bug anyone. But when I did outreach, all that went out the window and who cared about bothering someone, there soul was at stake. Now that I have been in the classroom doing Sunday school, it seems I've reverted back to that shy and timid self. Last night woke me up and shook me because shy and timid won't save souls.

I started thinking about Candace who ministered and witnessed to me. She went out on a limb, she had been rejected before (I was her first successful soul). And yet was she shy? Shy! Candace! Ha! Ridiculous lol. No she wasn't. God placed in my head something I had never thought of before...

If Candace never said anything about Jesus, baptism, and the holy ghost, I still would be lost. I would probably still be depressed and suicidal. I might have lost my virginity and gotten into who knows what.

If Candace never said, "Bianca do you know about the Holy Ghost?" I would have never known God in the capacity that I know him or felt his love like I feel. I would have never meet the wonderful people at my church in Denver and San Jose.

If Candace had never said anything about God and took that risk, I would not have been able to encourage my mom when she had her stroke and got her cancer. I would not have known how to pray and witness to her. I would never have felt God's presence and I would still feel so alone in this world. Just as I felt before I met Candace and she opened her mouth and spoke the words God wanted her to. She spoke words that changed my life forever and as I write this tears are in my eyes because I am so grateful that Candace was not like me and never said anything. She was not scared and she spoke life and was the light in my life.

After God revealed all this to me, I felt so ashamed. How dare I refuse and keep this wonderful gift. Merely two years ago, I could care a less who heard and what people thought. Who cared if they were "bothered" or if I "bugged" them. Oh God please forgive me. How many faces have I passed, people have I talked to that I should have and could have told. I am deeply sorrowful. I just pray that my merciful God will forgive me for ignoring His will. For keeping silent when I had no right. I had won a soul once, but they fell away and I became discouraged. But I can't let that be an excuse I hide behind. Candace didn't stop because someone fell away and neither will I. Thank You Lord for preachers who preach Your will. Thank you for waking me up and helping me realize that I speak life to this dead world. You put me where I am for a reason. If Candace never said, than none of this would be. But she did say. She did speak and so will I.